Trip to Kibuye #1

Hey all!

As many of you know, Karen's job right now is particularly stressful. The people on the SEED team are great, it's not them, thankfully.

Here is a picture of the SEED team, along with one of MCC's local partners (in the middle). Serge, Karen's counterpart, is on the right in purple. Vanessa, another MCC staffer, is taking a picture, and I'm taking a picture of her taking a picture. 

The stress comes from more systemic stuff that can't really be changed. In any case, our bosses told Karen and I to take some time off over the Easter Holiday.

So, last weekend we took a 3 hour drive to the town of Kibuye (aka Karongi) in Rwanda. It was really beautiful, and very restful. Please enjoy some pictures. If you think they look great, then consider yourself invited to come visit Karen and me. We'll be happy to take you to this exact spot.

Sunrise from our hotel. It reminded me of beautiful exotic places I'd seen in photos. Which, I guess, makes total sense. 

I took this picture on a morning bike ride. Karen and I stayed at a hotel on the peninsula in the middle of this photo. 

A view from our hotel

Sunset from our hotel

View fro the road on the drive from Bukavu to Kibuye. Lake Kivu looks like this pretty much the whole way around. 

A typical rice field in Rwanda, huddled under the lush hills all around. 

The DRC side of Lake Kivu looks like this too, except the mountains are bigger and more majestic. But the roads are terrible (i.e. it takes 8-16 hours to drive 100 miles), and there's armed groups controlling the countryside, and everything is more expensive. It's such a shame. You can join us in praying for the people of the DRC. That things would change, that they would get to actually enjoy their beautiful homeland.

Thanks for reading!
- Mark

And everyone is happy for me.

Everyone is happy for me because Mark and I are gone for a long weekend! It was obvious to the Seed team that I was overwhelmed with work and life and all that it entails here.

Two days in a row, the speaker we had planned didn't come or came late. Granted, they both gave us a couple hours of notice, which was just enough to work frantically for those hours in order to prepare something to present. (The second time, I got the news that the speaker would be late at the same time that I realized our passports had gotten pretty wet in the rain the day before. Then I realized how badly I need a break if that's enough to make me cry!)

One of those days was actually maybe my favorite day of orientation so far! I presented some ideas about entering a community and looking for what/when they have done something well together, when they have felt alive together - ideas from "Appreciative Inquiry" which I learned about in my Facilitation class last spring. We watched a TED Talk by Andrew Mwenda from Uganda on "Aid for Africa? No thanks." And it worked well and good discussion followed. In the afternoon, each of the Seed participants gave a book report on a book of their choosing from our Seed library, so on subjects such as "When God Combats" from a Mennonite perspective, Emmanuel Katongole's "The Sacrifice of Africa", reports on the economy of armed groups, etc. Everyone was very interested in what they read, and that produced really good presentations and discussions!

So now, I have time to write because our bosses told us to get out of town! This is the first opportunity we've had, and I SO NEED IT.

Mark is still working (on a skype call) and I'm sitting here, just on the Rwanda side of the border, enjoying the cool after the rain, the lovely view, and some coffee and quiet.

I have no idea what we are going to do, but I think it involves mostly sleeping, eating and staring at the lake.

I want to thrive, not just survive! (Switchfoot)

Someone must have been praying for us recently. Friday and Saturday (yesterday), I felt like I was on the verge of a breakdown. We're three weeks into orientation, but I have too much of my self-worth tied into making it perfect, where everyone loves it, in a context that is very difficult. When the Seeders were asking about doing site-seeing like their Colombian counterparts, I felt like a failure to be disappointing them, even though it's more that Congo is expensive and doesn't have a lot of site-seeing that is easy. Sure, there's volcanoes and gorillas (both expensive), but they are also in national parks where armed groups dwell, and we haven't had our security briefing yet.

This is Mark and I on Friday night when we found that our househelper had made chips, salsa and guacamole! It felt like a direct gift from GOD!

At least it's incredibly beautiful here. Sitting looking at the lake is really good therapy.

We have had some really great speakers.

 So I've been in tears a couple times in the last few days, stressing about not understanding how finances are working for the Seed program, stressing about not having placements figured out yet (still waiting to meet with one org that just went through a leadership change and waiting to hear back whether another one got funding or not), stressing about Seeders who don't like to eat leftovers - and I realize how strongly I hold that value! We've also had a lot of MCC visitors in and out, which is nice in one way, but also means MORE MEETINGS when Serge and I already don't have time to meet for planning. Friday at 2pm, we told the Seeders we were done for the weekend because we hadn't been able to plan - even though I was afraid they are bored.

IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL!!! The weather is amazing.

 But today, I am feeling excited and at peace. I still don't know how we are going to distribute money or who is going to be placed where, but it somehow feels more manageable. I feel excited about learning French and about continuing my master's in Conflict Transformation. I feel so blessed to be married to Mark (although that has been consistent throughout my stress because he has been such an incredible support!). I feel hope for our MCC Congo team and that our communication is going to improve. There's no explanation for this shift in my outlook except for faith. So thanks for praying and please keep it up!

"Been fighting things that I can't see
Like voices coming from the inside of me...
Feel like I travel but I never arrive
I wanna thrive not just survive"

--From Switchfoot's song "Thrive"

Also, We have been asking from early on for prayers for my relationship with Serge, and I just want to say thank you because we have a really good relationship, and it is such a blessing!

a quick peak in our context

Mark went to the port in town to pick up some co-workers. An hour after he left, I saw he was online and skype messaged him, asking where he was. He responded with "I'm in Goma. It's crazy, I don't have time to explain."

On the fast boat, Goma is three hours away. I had seen him an hour and a half earlier. But because of how crazy life is here sometimes, there was a question in my mind whether he was joking or not because it is actually possible that something that totally unexpected and a bit bizarre might happen.

Of course, if you know Mark, you aren't at all surprised that he was kidding, and he said so very quickly (from the waiting room at the port), but I can imagine that somehow a helicopter with our UN friend (or at the command of Mark's boss) would meet up with Mark and for some reason they'd tell him he has to go to Goma, and that's how I'd find out about it. It's within the realm of possibility.

And that's the unpredictable, crazy context in which we are trying to work.
Yee-haw!

tired

I am so tired.
SOOO tired
But on Strengths Finder, one of my strengths is discipline.
And I know it was so good for me last week to reflect through the blog.

So here I am. And maybe it's discipline or a related strength that drew me to this challenging job. I like being tough and for people to see me as tough. I fear being thought of as weak.

The sermon at our church this afternoon (at the english service) was very helpful and relevant, a poignant reminder that we're all just as broken as the next, so we should be compassionate to "sinners" because we're just as bad without Christ. And it feels so good tonight to acknowledge that I'm broken, weak, and selfish.

I am really tired of being in charge of this program in this context all the time - even being conscious of the sounds of opening and closing doors while I'm sleeping. I feel like it is too much for me. And I think that's just where God wants me.

To let go of what people think about me, whether this is a "successful" program or not.
To stop stressing myself out by trying to cover all of the bases (not even knowing what each base is) with our limited resources and time.
To give myself and others grace because God has and he doesn't expect me to be doing good works on my own.

So thanks for reading and for your prayers.

And one concrete way to take care of ourselves is that Mark and I are probably going to go stay at a friend's house for a while so that I don't have to hear the doors or worry that the water filter is empty.

Highs and Lows

I'm going to keep this blog post a bit simple since I am swamped, but I wanted to write so that I could do some of my own processing!

High: 

How our team laughs together over meals. Two of them pair up to prepare dinner once a week (=4 dinners a week prepared by team) and a competition has broken out.

Low:

Not having a day off, as the team is staying at my house and I do most of the meal planning – although thankfully not most of the cooking…except that I did this weekend and now feel burned out

High:

Knowing that this month of orientation will pass quickly

Low:

That finances are a much bigger part of the job than I expected them to be, and that I am caught between Western accounting polices and lived experiences of a different approach to money in Congo. -- When I have more time to think, this will be a bit exciting, as well, because it is one of the primary places I see the need for cross-cultural understanding, humility, and growth. I am passionate about finding ways for North Americans to let go of the power that comes from having resources to give, and to find ways to work together collaboratively while holding differing worldviews about what money means. (This should have its own post eventually, or maybe more than a post.) 

High:

Mark’s incredible supportiveness of me during this incredibly stressful month

Low:
My lower back has been hurting.
High:
We got to play ultimate Frisbee on Saturday afternoon

Low:

Wanting to go camping with Mark and be alone outdoors far away from other people and realizing how far away that dream is to being fulfilled.

High:

Some of our Seed participants said they really loved their experience of our church this morning

Low:

Being anxious that we don’t have concrete plans for installing our Seed participants in their various placements with organizations.

High: 

Going to visit my EMU CJP classmate’s sister in her home, meeting her husband and kids who were all very sweet and happy to meet us.

I hope these things tide you over until next time.